So began my introduction to San Japan, the Japanese anime and pop culture convention that took over the Henry B. Gonzalez Convention Center this weekend. The eighth annual event, dubbed San Japan: 8-Bit, attracted thousands with its showcase of anime, manga, J-pop, video games and cosplay culture. The packed three-day schedule was a smorgasbord of hardcore fan-pleasing activities and celebrity appearances, but all those panels, meetups, concerts and tournaments can easily overwhelm the uninitiated, especially for first timers like myself.
I know next to nothing about anime. I could tell you that Pikachu is yellow, but I'm not entirely sure if he is some sort of wombat or magical space cat. So my initial arrival to the convention Friday evening was a lot to take in. The schedule of simultaneous panels left no lack of choice, so much so that I didn't know where to begin. So I wandered the convention hall through the throng of impressively costumed cosplayers feeling sorely underdressed, while I familiarized myself with all there was to see and do.
Since I was a San Japan virgin, I figured I should go all in. That meant skipping over the karaoke and Hello Kitty and going straight for the hentai anime porn. What better way to find out why people loved anime than to spend time with people who were aroused by it?
Friday night's schedule featured a FUNimaton Peepshow, an adults-only screening of hentai anime clips and trailers, one of the weekend's many con events hosted by the North Texas-based FUNimation, the world's largest anime producer and distributor. I didn't know what to expect, but I figured I'd finally know if tentacle porn was actually a thing. (It is.) What I got was a pervy, cartoon version of Mystery Science Theater 3000 as hosts Cookie Stratford and Kiki Raven delivered quippy introductions to a sequence of clips that progressed from coy to kinky.
I came in with so many questions, like, do people really jerk off to this? (Based on snap observations I made of audience members who demonstrated an intimate familiarity of the material, yes, but everyone has their kinks.) But I came out with so much more. What's with all the nosebleeds? (It's exactly what you think it is.) Wait, can hentai appeal to feminists? (There's a debate, but the female host possessed an expert knowledge and clear appreciation of the genre, and there was a sizeable number of female fans.) Can you actually fellate a sushi roll? (Inconclusive. Maybe if you freeze it first.) If you are sexually aroused by a cat-like alien humanoid, does that mean your into bestiality? (Don't over think it.)
The FUNimation Peepshow teased a number of anime series, all available for to stream or purchase at funimation.com, of course. The succession of clips revealed the artistry behind the perversion, and even with premises that could only be dreamed up by a horny 13-year-old, a number of the night's trailers teased compelling stories and characters coinciding all the T&A. You'd probably have a better chance of watching the end of these hentai anime than you would your standard American porn. Watching the FUNimation Peepshow with a packed crowd of fans, it was easy to understand the appeal, even if it wasn't something that would turn you on.
Senran Kagura
Among the titles were Senran Kagura, which featured the aforementioned sushi blow job and a tiny, cute frog falling into the ample cleavage, and, of course, plenty of school girls — this is Japanese porn, after all.
Heaven's Lost Property
A clip fromthe anime classic Heaven's Lost Property, which Stratford praised as her favorite show, was a Freudian wet dream with a psycho rainbow fantasy land populated by breast-obsessed babies.
Cat Planet Cuties
Then things got weird. or hot, depending on what you get into. The crowd cheered the introduction of Cat Planet Cuties, proving that there is indeed a market for sexy feline/lady hybrids. The clip itself turned out to be strangely charming and adorable with all its sexual naivete.
Master of Martial Arts
Meanwhile a clip from Master of Martial Arts proved that all you need is the basics: hot teachers, flight attendants, nurses and school girls going at it and tearing their clothes off.
Lupin III, The Woman Called Fujiko Mine This compelling crime thriller featured a stylized, noir-inspired look and serious art house movie fell. I'd actually watch this one for the story.
Free Eternal Summer Hey, now, it's not all hot and busty ladies. The men and women crowd went wild for the trailer of Free Eternal Summer. And with male competitive swimming as its premise, why would they?
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