San Antonio Krampus Parade counters satanic panic with ‘Puro Pinche Krampus Portal’ merch

Last Friday, fundamentalist Christian pastors held a press conference asking city officials to shut down San Antonio’s first Krampus Parade, claiming the event could “open up a demonic portal.”

That same day, the Archdiocese of San Antonio released a statement expressing concerns about the event, scheduled for Thursday, Dec. 5, to celebrate a German folkloric tradition that predates Christianity.

Through the ensuing satanic panic maelstrom, the Krampus Parade’s organizers have remained quiet. That is, until now. 

On Wednesday, parade officials fired back by unveiling cheeky merchandise saying “Puro Pinche Krampus Portal,” which is now available for sale online.

Supporters can don them now their gay apparel to take a stand as Krampusgate grips the Alamo City. Amid the online discourse over the “controversial” costumed parade, those who are pro-Krampus, anti-religious zealotry or even pro-portal can now let their duds do the talking.

Separate designs that say “Support Your Local Krampus” and “Krampus Parade San Antonio 2024” are also available for purchase.

The designs can be ordered on T-shirts, sweatshirts, mugs, hats and, of course, Christmas ornaments — all offered up in the event’s official store.

Krampus parades have been held for centuries throughout Central Europe, celebrating the horned folkloric creature who punishes bad kids on the eve of the Feast of St. Nicholas. However, as San Antonio gets introduced to the Krampuslauf tradition for the first time, the occasion has necessitated some educating for the uninitiated.

In addition to showing off the merch line, Grand Marshal Bob Crittenden and the parade’s organizing committee — dubbed the Valkyrie von Krampus — released a statement Wednesday, which doesn’t directly address the hysteria and unfounded claims of Satanism. However, it does try to explain what the event actually is.

“In recognition of the city’s strong German heritage, a group of Southtown residents will present a bit of Alpine lore at the city’s first Krampus Parade on December 5 — KrampusNacht or Night of Krampus, the eve of the Feast of St. Nicholas,” the statement reads. “[T]he parade is a unique opportunity for cultural exchange as residents and visitors are introduced to this holiday folkloric custom.”

The message continues: “KrampusNacht is celebrated in many cities across the U.S. and has been celebrated worldwide for centuries. In fact, the annual Krampus Play in Öblarn, Austria, has been designated as a UNESCO Intangible Cultural Heritage event. The mythic Krampus is St. Nick’s enforcer, balancing naughty behavior with consequences, and encouraging youth to behave.”

“From Día de los Muertos to zombie festivities, San Antonians crave diverse and new community celebrations. Undoubtedly, San Antonians will amaze parade onlookers with whimsical costumes and brilliant artistic talent. All are welcome to attend and marvel at the pageantry of the parade.”

The parade lines up in the Blue Star Arts Complex parking lot at 5:30 p.m. Thursday, Dec. 5, and will make its way down King William Street at approximately 6:30 p.m.

The procession will conclude with a party at the Rathskeller, the basement bar in Hermann Sons Ballroom, a gathering place established by a mutual aid society for German immigrants.

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This article appears in Nov 27 – Dec 10, 2024.