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In San Antonio, one of the first things people ask when they meet you is where you went to high school.
It’s not hard to figure out why. Folks are trying to learn details about your upbringing — whether you were raised in an affluent suburb, grew up in a working class area or hail from a more rural stretch of the Alamo City sprawl.
But we all know that assumptions are often wrong and that they can play on false perceptions and rumors. Just the same, people make some that are funny, weird or just plain unfair.
So, here’s a — hopefully — lighthearted look at what some people may think when you let them know where you went to high school in San Antonio. There are way too many campuses in the area to include them all, so consider yourself lucky if yours flew under the radar.
And remember, just because some people have these perceptions doesn’t mean they’re true!
Alamo Heights High School
Your name may not be Biff or Muffy, but to many folks, it may as well be. Credit: Photo via Google MapsBrackenridge High School
You were Southtown before Southtown was hip. Credit: Photo via Google MapsLuther Burbank High School
Your school got to host the New Orleans Saints during Hurricane Katrina, so you’ve got reason to gloat. Credit: Photo via Google MapsCentral Catholic High School
Your diploma all but guarantees you a job with the City of San Antonio. Have you run for mayor or city council yet? Credit: Photo via Google MapsChurchill High School
See the entry for Alamo Heights and replace the names with Chad and Emily. Credit: Photo via Google MapsClark High School
You’re still pissed off people assume you were rich, when you actually were one of the many kids who grew up in an apartment complex and went to Clark. Credit: Photo via Google MapsEast Central High School
You’re not going to let anyone judge you. Period. Credit: Photo via Google MapsEdison High School
Your art class final project? A bong. If shop class had been an option, your project there also would also have been a bong. Credit: Photo via Google MapsHarlan High School
You’ll forever wonder why you got tagged as the “redneck” campus despite how diverse the school has become. Credit: Photo via Google MapsHolmes High School
After four years on campus, you’re averse to entering any building that has actual corners. Credit: Photo via Google MapsInternational School of the Americas
You’re smart enough to have been a member of the Model United Nations Club, yet flighty enough to be a member of the Acts of Random Kindness Club. Chances are you’re also a little cocky. Credit: Photo via Google MapsBeing able to figure out where someone went to high school within 10 minutes of meeting them. Credit: Photo via Google MapsJohn Jay High School
Contrary to the popular rumor about John Jay, you’ve never had a venereal disease — nor has anyone in your high school clique. Credit: Photo via Google MapsJudson High School
Everything in your high school life revolved around football. If you peaked in high school, it probably still does. Credit: Photo via Google MapsLanier High School
The Chili Bowl tradition may have ended in 2009, but it’s still a source of pride — and you’re glad the tradition ended with your team whipping the living shit out of Fox Tech. Credit: Photo via Google MapsLEE High School
Yes, it’s good your school is no longer named after a Confederate general, but you actually allowed it to be renamed Legacy of Educational Excellence High School. You’ll have to live with that for the rest of your life. Credit: Photo via Google MapsMacArthur High School
Your school churned out irreverent gay memoirist David Crabb (Bad Kid) and you’ll forever be disgruntled about alternative culture going mainstream. Credit: Photo via Google MapsMadison High School
After going to a school that fricking huge, you’re quite used to fitting in with the crowd. Credit: Photo via Google MapsNortheast School of the Arts
Jazz hands! Credit: Photo via Google MapsO’Connor High School
Those classes in animal husbandry, crop yields and bovine psychology continue to pay off the further you move toward Bandera. Credit: Photo via Google MapsProvidence Catholic School
Your parents thought four years at an all-girls school would make you behave. It didn’t. Credit: Photo via Google MapsReagan High School
You have an ingrained desire to march in formation any time you’re around other people. Credit: Photo via Google MapsRoosevelt High School
You own a slide rule or perhaps a beanie cap with a propeller on top, but you’re probably earning big bucks as an engineer or something. Credit: Photo via Google MapsSmithson Valley High School
You have an irony-free Future Farmers of America jacket hanging in your closet. You may even own livestock. Credit: Photo via Google MapsSouth San Antonio High School
You’re a survivor, baby. Credit: Photo via Google MapsSouthwest High School
Shea Serrano went there, and you’re more than happy to assume some of his coolness rubbed off on you. Credit: Photo via Google MapsSt. Mary’s Hall
Your pricy, high-quality education involved training in certain illicit arts you can only learn in boarding school. Credit: Photo via Google MapsTaft High School
To this day you wonder why your school was named after a president nobody really cares about. Credit: Photo via Google MapsTMI Episcopal High School
Your parents sent you here to teach you discipline. You either came away a more driven person or irreparably screwed up. Credit: Photo via Google Maps