Mar 14-21, 2017

Mar 14-21, 2017 / Vol. 31 / No. 11
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Prepare to Be Offended by ‘Queen of Mean’ Lisa Lamapnelli

Personified, the rapidly changing face of stand-up comedy circa 2017 might look a little bit like Lisa Lampanelli. The self-crowned “Queen of Mean” rose to royalty through her memorable appearances on Comedy Central Roasts (of Hugh Hefner, Larry the Cable Guy and the current President of the United States), where she dished out vulgar takedowns…

Get Ready to Rumble with the LGBT Smackdown ‘Wrestle Empire’

Possibly the most unusual aspect of San Antonio’s annual Pride Bigger Than Texas Parade and Festival (taking place July 1 in Crockett Park), Pride Championship Wrestling (PCW) bills itself as “the first LGBT wrestling organization in San Antonio and the United States.” Presented in partnership with The Royal, Sovereign and Imperial Court of the Alamo…

Music Picks: Shows To See This Week

Polyphia Thursday, March 30 Polyphia sounds like the song playing in the background during the flying level in every video game ever. Distorted, poppy, jazzy, metal guitar riffs accompany technical drumming to produce a sound that is half hilarious, half awe-inspiring and 100 percent goofy. Still considered part of the “djent” movement, even though the…

Estate Coffee Co. Is Offering Donuts Daily ’til Noon

Donuts are so hot right now. Days before Bakery Lorraine announced the upcoming opening of Maybelle’s, their donut shop inside the Pearl, Estate Coffee Co. finally announced daily donuts options. Made by owner Brian LaBarbera, the old school donuts are available ’til noon (or until they sell out). Flavors vary by day — honey lavender…

Contemporary Art Month Draws to a Close with a Free Celebration in CHRISpark

Although certain Contemporary Art Month exhibitions carry over into April and beyond (there’s still plenty of time to take in standout shows like “Reflections on Landscape and Memory” and “Ángel Rodríguez-Díaz: A Retrospective, 1982-2014”), the citywide celebration familiarly known as CAM officially draws to a close on Friday with an outdoor shindig in the Linda…

Inkers and Ink Fans Unite for This Weekend’s Alamo City Tattoo Show

The art of tattooing one’s body is a phenomenon that has been practiced by many cultures for many purposes, starting as early as the Neolithic time period. In ancient Egypt, tattoos were used to mark status, to heal or even to punish. In Paleolithic Japan, tattoos were spiritual and decorative. In 1980s-era Britain, tattoos became…

Bow Down to the Queen of Tejano at Slab’s 20th Anniversary Screening of Selena

Seemingly stronger with each passing year, the legacy of slain Tejano icon Selena Quintanilla-Pérez thrives in the modern era, inspiring heartfelt tributes, imaginative fan art, big-name covers (by everyone from Solange to Bruno Mars), diverse impersonations and even a MAC cosmetics line prompted by an online petition. Adoring fans celebrate her birthday, observe the anniversary…

Free Will Astrology (3/29/17- 4/4/17)

ARIES (March 21-April 19): The dragon that stole your treasure will return it. Tulips and snapdragons will blossom in a field you thought was a wasteland. Gargoyles from the abyss will crawl into view, but then meekly lick your hand and reveal secrets you can really use. The dour troll that guards the bridge to…

Savage Love: Positive Thinking

Q: Gay guy here. Met a guy online. He came over. We had incredible sex and then a great conversation lasting several hours. But — and you knew there was one coming — he told me that he lied about his HIV status. (I asked him before meeting him, like I do with anyone.) He…

Texas Can’t Use Fiction to Justify Executing People Anymore

The U.S. Supreme Court sided with a Texas death row inmate Tuesday, ruling that the state’s standard for measuring intellectual disability in cases of capital punishment were outdated and non-medical. In the court’s opinion, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg said the state should hold capital punishment cases to the same strict scientific standards as any other…

SA Public Library Opens New Branch on East Side

This past weekend the San Antonio Public Library system celebrated the grand opening of Schaefer Library on the East Side. “We are so excited to bring this long-awaited and innovative library to this community,” Ramiro Salazar, director of the San Antonio Public Library, said in a press release. Located on Highway 287 near the S.…

Life of Outspoken Atheist, San Antonio Murder Revisited in Hated Woman

In 1964, Life magazine called Madalyn Murray O’Hair, atheist activist and founder of American Atheists, “the most hated woman in America.” The year prior, O’Hair was involved in the historic U.S. Supreme Court case that declared Bible reading unconstitutional in American public schools. Thirty-two years after the landmark ruling, O’Hair, at the age of 76,…

Maverick Music Festival 2017 Releases Final Lineup

The fifth installment of Maverick Music Festival announced the complete schedule with stage times for all bands on its website, pushing the 2017 lineup to over 40 performers across three stages on April 7 & 8, 2017. Included in the lineup is actually a pretty good number of local acts like indie pop performer Wayne…

Severe Weather Expected for San Antonio Tonight

Better get out the umbrellas and find a safe spot to park your car tonight because it looks likes were in for an evening of thunderstorms with a chance of hail. According to the National Weather Service, San Antonio should expect showers and thunderstorms after 1 p.m. Tuesday with potential winds as high as 25…

Teen Takes Senior Photo with Big Red

When they’re not getting negative attention for San Antonio from Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, Fox’s Daytime at 9 gets first sip of a tasty Big Red scoop. The station’s morning show reported on Ohio teen Eric Willford’s peculiar senior portraits, which included a San Anto staple. Willford, from Columbus, Ohio, took a liking…

The Otherworldly Work of ‘Trans-Dimensional’ Artist McKay Otto

In the Silo of McKays at the Hill Country Science Mill in Johnson City, Wimberley artist McKay Otto has placed seven Tibetan singing bowls below seven abstract paintings inside the 40-foot-tall repurposed grain silo. When one of the bowls is struck with a wooden mallet, the distinctive ringing tone sets off subtle, ethereal vibrations that…

How the Tea Party Taught Texas Progressives to Troll Their Government

In Texas, it began in the parking lot of a South Austin grocery store. Congressman Lloyd Doggett had set up the casual neighborhood meeting outside a Randalls supermarket on August 1, 2009 to answer questions about the new president’s sweeping health care plan, recently dubbed “Obamacare.” Doggett wasn’t expecting a crowd — it was the…

Austin’s Music Scene through an Existential Lens in Song to Songs

A week or so before I finally sat down for Terrence Malick’s Song to Song, I shared this Twitter musing: “Like bebop, I see Terrence Malick’s oeuvre as a singular, perhaps sublime art form for which I am simply temperamentally unsuited.” Misplaced modifier notwithstanding, that fairly neatly sums up the trepidation with which I’ve come…

Mendez Cafe’s Ham and Egg Taco Has Hints of Pancake And It’s Delicious

Reposted with permission from The Tacoist. When the waitress brought my order of four tacos at Mendez Cafe on the South Side, the plate smelled unlike tacos. It smelled like — sniff, sniff — pancakes? Syrup? I wrote “cinnamon” in my notes, but upon reflection that observation may have been off target. It’s hard to tell…

Luminaria Announces New Artistic Advisory Committee and a Return to Hemisfair

Devised by former San Antonio Mayor Phil Hardberger in the multidisciplinary vein of illuminated nighttime arts festivals like Paris, France’s citywide Nuit Blanche, Luminaria has evolved, morphed and bounced around downtown since its inception in 2008. Under the direction of former Southwest School of Art exhibitions director Kathy Armstrong for the last two years, the perennially…

Texas Judge Sued for Starting Court Hearings With Prayer Sessions

A Christian, an atheist, and a religiously unaffiliated person are suing a Montgomery County justice of the peace for opening his court sessions with a Christian prayer. No, this isn’t the start to a bad joke — the three are arguing Judge Wayne Mack has violated their constitutional right to a religion-free government. And religious…

David Blaine Is Coming to San Antonio

If you remember watching television in the ’90s then you probably remember David Blaine’s captivating network debut special David Blaine: Street Magic. which aired on NBC in 1997. Throughout the special, Blaine travels to a few cities and performs for downtown pedestrians who either are shocked and amazed by his card tricks or freaked the…

Loose Cow Charges at Temple Police Officer

The Temple Police Department faced a rather unusual challenge last Friday when they had to chase down a large cow on the loose. Officer Gabriel Estrella told KCEN-TV that he received a call about the cow and spotted it roaming around through neighborhoods. As seen in the dashcam footage uploaded to TPD’s Facebook page, Temple…

Diana Ross Returns To San Antonio

A living legend in her own right, Diana Ross got her start in the music industry when she joined The Primettes, a group that eventually changed their name to The Supremes, signed on to legendary record label Motown and became one of, if not the most successful female groups of all time. After performing with the trio…

Congressmen Hurd, Castro Join Border Rally Against Trump’s Wall

About a hundred Mexican and U.S citizens linked arms across the Texas border Saturday in a sign of solidarity against President Donald Trump’s promised border wall. “Building a wall from sea to shining sea is the most expensive and least effective way to do border security,” said Congressman Will Hurd, who hosted the “bilingual, bipartisan,…

Going Up? K23 Will Host Mr. Elevator in May

The latest in a string of exciting 2017 show developments for K23, San Antonio’s best DIY venue, is Mr. Elevator. The California psych-pop outfit, formerly know as Mr. Elevator and the Brain Hotel, will bless the little venue that could on May 7, with support from Austin’s The Rotten Mangos and SA’s Sunjammer. Mr. Elevator,…

Detox and Vicky Vox: Two Drag Stars for the Price of One

Beyond serving up two drag stars for the price of one, Rey Lopez Entertainment’s latest extravaganza boasts unusual potential in that both Detox (last name: Icunt) and Vicky Vox have the chops to go beyond lip-synching and sing with highly amusing results. Since meeting in Los Angeles and forming a bond as drag mother (Detox)…

Pinko Hits the Road This Week With Some New Music

Pinko is a mash-up of raw intensity and ferocious shredding — a sound smart, groovy and sure as shit not metal core, despite the traces of hardcore punk that punctuate the music. Consisting of members from The Grasshopper Lies Heavy, Sohns and Ghost Police, Pinko’s intense and chaotic sound isn’t surprising. Frontman Guillermo Mendez leads…

Real Ale Adds Gin, Whiskey to Roster With ‘Real Spirits’

As Real Ale prepares for its 21st anniversary of brewing quality craft beer in the Hill Country, owner Brad Farbstein is making a passion project come true. The whiskey and gin fan will launch Real Spirits Distilling Co. this April with a party, distillery tours and specialty cocktails. Though years in the making, Real Spirits truly…

How I Spent Spring Break: Sid Miller Edition

On Thursday, Israeli officials visited Washington, D.C. to discuss the future of Israeli settlements in Palestine. While they came to no solid conclusion, the White House released a statement hinting the countries were “moving toward a peace agreement.” But it appears Texas Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller has his own agenda. As federal officials met in D.C.…

Texas Booze Cops Caught Partying With Taxpayer Money

If you know anyone who helps run a bar or brewery or occasionally throws events with adult beverages in Texas, you’ve probably heard some grousing over the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission, which regulates all things booze in the state. That’s because, to critics of how the agency currently operates, TABC’s rules and enforcement actions often strain…

The 8th Annual Paella Challenge Has New Digs

The late, great Mitch Hedberg once said, “I like rice. Rice is great when you’re hungry and want 2,000 of something.” Your mantra for Sunday’s eighth annual Paella Challenge sponsored by Corona and hosted by chef Johnny Hernandez should definitely be “Come Hungry.” Have a light dinner the night before and a light breakfast on…

15 Percent of Female Undergrads at UT Austin Say They’ve Been Raped

While defending her campus sexual assault bill at the state capitol Thursday, Texas Sen. Joan Huffman unleashed a sobering statistic: 15 percent of female undergrads polled at the University of Texas at Austin say they’ve been raped. “It’s beyond troubling,” said Huffman, a Houston Republican. “It’s shocking.” Huffman pulled this number from a yet-to-be released…

Spurs Grind Out Victory Against Grizzlies

#SPURSWIN! pic.twitter.com/1CnWChaGSi — San Antonio Spurs (@spurs) March 24, 2017 LaMarcus Aldridge joined the 15,000 point club on Thursday night in San Antonio, reaching the career milestone in a gritty 97-90 win over the Memphis Grizzlies. Aldridge led the Spurs in scoring with 23 points, settling further into a comfortable rhythm since returning from a…

Garcia Brothers Talk Brisket Tacos, Longevity, Changing Clientele

Reposted with permission from The Tacoist. Garcia’s Mexican Food would be easy to miss if it weren’t for the cars parked around the building and up and down the streets in the surrounding neighborhood of Beacon Hill. If you walked by the place when it was closed, you might think it’s a pawnshop because of…

Vans Warped Tour Announces San Antonio Date

Vans Warped Tour is coming to SA for another round this year on July 29 at the AT&T Center. Expect to see Texas natives Bowling for Soup, post-hardcore band Hawthorne Heights and Indiana rock favorites The Ataris among the 60+ bands slated for this year’s lineup. Tickets start at $39 and can be purchased at…

Woman Arrested After Shooting Into Vigil Mourning San Antonio Man

On Wednesday evening, a woman fired shots into a crowd mourning the death of a San Antonio man under a Highway 281 overpass. According to police, Margaret Ruiz was upset that she hadn’t been invited to the vigil for Luis Arista, who died in a fiery crash near Hildebrand Ave. on 281 early Saturday morning. She arrived…

Local Synthpop Duo Hyperbubble Celebrates 20 Years of Crafting ‘Pretty Plastic’

Quite possibly Contemporary Art Month’s wackiest offering, “Pretty Plastic” celebrates two decades of the ever-playful, retro-futuristic stylings of Hyperbubble — a local synthpop act comprised of married couple Jess and Jeff DeCuir. Art scene fixtures who’ve performed at Luminaria, the McNay, SAMA and Blue Star, Jess (vocals, theremin, keyboards) and Jeff (vocals, synthesizers, sequencers) have…

Taquitos West Ave. Opens Second Location

Even if you’re not familiar with the outdoor kitchen, styrofoam plate, delicious taco set-up that’s Taquitos West Ave., you’ll want to pencil in a restaurant visit for their second location. Open for just under a month, Taquitos and Panaderia West Ave. is more than 2,000 square feet of taco goodness. Orders are placed at the…

A Vegetarian Virgin Turns Cannibal in the French Horror Flick Raw

Despite Raw being a movie that will test your gag reflexes, this smart and unsettling film by first-time writer/director Julia Ducournau knows what it’s doing, and does it very well indeed. Raw belongs to the tradition of horror films in the mode of Carrie, which couch female empowerment stories within the trappings of conventional fright…

El Luchador Bar Opens this Summer off Roosevelt

Four friends are opening a neighborhood cantina this June and San Antonians can get a sneak peek this Sunday during Siclovia. The space at 622 Roosevelt is leased by Ricardo Briones, Jesse Campos, Vanessa Martinez and Billy Mendoza, who are hoping El Luchador will keep that cantina vibe while making it accessible for others around…

A North Side Neighborhood Really Wants Its Geese Back

Three geese have gone “missing” from Eden Pond, and a North Side neighborhood would really, really like to have them back. Folks from the Eden Homeowners Association near Thousand Oaks and Tavern Oaks by McAllister Park are worried someone has stolen their three geese, who went missing sometime last weekend. The neighborhood is so worried…

Gov. Abbott Wants Small Government, Big State

This session Gov. Greg Abbott turned his “Fed Up!” predecessor’s obsession with state control into an actual policy priority. While other state lawmakers worry about the budget or the state’s dismal record of protecting its most vulnerable kids or ginned-up fears about public bathrooms, here’s what Abbott decided was an emergency item for the legislature:…

10 Things You Have to Do This Weekend

Thu 3/23 San Antonio Flavor San Antonio’s ultimate dining event returns with a night of bites from 35 local eateries (Frank, Kimura, Folc, The Bin and Botika among them), plus craft beer, wine and cocktail samples, live entertainment and a Culinary Showdown. $60-$80, 6-10pm Thu, San Antonio Museum of Art, 200 W. Jones Ave., (210)…

Canadian Percussion Ensemble Scrap Arts Music Lands in SA with Two Tons of Instruments in Tow

Formed in Vancouver, Canada in 1998, Scrap Arts Music bills itself as an “internationally renowned, athletic next-generation percussion ensemble.” Informed by the backgrounds and passions of founders Gregory Kozak (jazz, world music, avant-garde composers) and Justine Murray (design, stage direction, vernacular architecture), the outfit brings a truly fusionist approach to physical performances of entirely original…

Comedian Louie Anderson On Starting the Third Act of His Life

Although considered by many to be at one of the high points of his 30-year-career as a stand-up comedian, Louie Anderson wouldn’t mind if journalists scrapped the word “resurgence” for something a bit more poetic. “This isn’t really a resurgence,” Anderson, 63, told the Current during a phone interview earlier this month. “This is a…

Inspiring Books for Getting Through Hard Times

Like a lot of writers I know, I spent the first month after the election of Donald Trump trying to dig myself out of the abyss into which I had fallen. For me, one of the ways to get inspired to resist an administration that wants to set back the progress of several decades, and…

Bush Returns to SA This Summer

The year was 1996. MTV was sucking in audiences across the planet for pretty much 24-hour coverage of the phenomenon known as MTV Spring Break, which that year was happening at Panama City Beach in Florida. The crowd watched Gavin Rossdale, at what seemed like the risk of being electrocuted, play “Glycerine” as rain poured…

The Gang’s Back Together For Another Dose of Trainspotting

br> Poverty, narcotics, no future: the characters from Trainspotting (1996) seemed ill-fated to see Y2K, much less survive into the second decade of the new millennium. Yet here they are, worse for wear (or not), in the sequel, T2 Trainspotting. The original iteration of the film brought widespread notice to the relatively unknown British director…

Judge Says Texas Immigration Raids Were Retaliation

Last month, the first major round of raids by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement under Trump sparked fears of widespread immigration sweeps in Central Texas. ICE insisted it was doing nothing different, saying the action was a continuation of an Obama-era enforcement program, meanwhile immigration attorneys and advocates cited hazy reports of agents hanging out…

Three Years Later, Marquise Jones’ Death Still Looms Over SAPD

The man’s voice over the intercom sounded so slurred, the cashier at Chacho’s & Chalucci’s could barely understand him. So someone else inside the green Cadillac tried to shout food orders over the drunk driver, while a manager made his way outside the restaurant to check on the busy drive-thru lane. As the bars approached…

New Health Grocery Story Opens March 29

Natural Grocers, which has one location off NW Military Highway, will open its Alamo Heights store on March 29. In a preview event that showcased their products, the brand shared news of the date and some background on what San Antonians can expect to see. Natural Grocers, a Golden, Colorado-based health food store is known…

Celebrate Spring with a Free Cone from Dairy Queen

What better way to celebrate the beginning of spring than with a frozen, tasty treat from Dairy Queen? All non-mall locations of the fast food chain will be serving up free vanilla ice cream cones to celebrate the arrival of the new season. Go grab yourself a free cone, head outdoors and bask in the…

Turn Up The Heat: Enrique Iglesias and Pitbull Are Coming To SA

Throw the top down on your Jeep and scream “aye papi!”, because two of Miami’s international stars are making their way to San Antonio. On Saturday, June 17, singer Enrique Iglesias and rapper Pitbull will perform at the AT&T Center with Latin American pop boy band CNCO, who will be joining the two on a…

Music Picks: Shows To See This Week

Tiffany Wednesday, March 22 In the Facebook group Dead Mall Enthusiasts, you can skim through galleries of strangely alluring photos of empty malls posted by members — a reminder of a time when the mall was the epicenter of culture and fashion in Middle America, a time when shoppers could catch concerts while leaving Structure…

A Condensed Guide to Sunday’s CAM Open Studios Tour

A favorite among the signatures of Contemporary Art Month, the CAM Open Studios tour offers the community an up-close-and-personal view of San Antonio creatives in work spaces as varied as the artists themselves. Presenting something of a Choose Your Own Adventure Sunday, the daylong, entirely free affair requires a bit of mapping and planning but…

Local Charter School Accused of Serving Rotten Meat to Reopen Monday

A San Antonio charter school accused of serving students rotten meat will reopen Monday after being closed for a state investigation last week. State education officials have found the San Antonio School for Inquiry and Creativity to be in compliance with food safety and hiring laws (parents alleged the administration hadn’t run criminal background checks…

High Wheel Releases a New Beer for St. Patrick’s Day

HighWheel Beerworks, a product of Dorcol Distilling + Brewing Co., will release a new ale this week as part of their Brewer’s Keep Series. Timed for a St. Patrick’s Day release, the Irish red ale is sweet and malty on the forefront, but has a dry finish. At 5.5 percent ABV, you can have more…

Stay Golden Social House Will Close this Summer

Bar-goers in San Antonio have until June to enjoy the breezy patio, boozy cocktails and fun beer selection. The building that houses the Stay Golden Social House, owned by cocktail guru Jeret Peña, was sold to Silver Ventures (the Pearl’s developer) and will be turned into a 10-story office building. The building was given the…

New Argentina-based Coffee Shop Opens in Medical Center

A new kind of coffee shop opened in the city’s Medical Center area as of February 24. Operator-partner Pablo Czarnik and wife Basia opened a location of Argentina’s Cafe Martinez to the Alamo City, and have two more shops in the works. Czarnik’s background is in management — he ran Chicago’s Hard Rock Cafe before…

New Tubing Spot Opens Near San Antonio this Weekend

Floating the river just got more convenient for San Antonians with a new tubing spot in Seguin opening this Saturday — just in time for spring breakers to get their fix before heading back to class.  Appropriately named Seguin Tubes, the tubing spot is situated on the Guadalupe River and will be open only on…

Mills Superb as Starter, Despite Spurs Falter

MOOD pic.twitter.com/2nhdIb9e03 — San Antonio Spurs (@spurs) March 14, 2017 With quarterback Tony Parker sidelined by back stiffness, and backup Dejounte Murray still mending a sore left groin, Patty Mills assumed the starting point guard duties in San Antonio for a third consecutive game. Despite a solid 13-point, 6-assist outing from Mills, the Spurs fell…

“DWI Dude” Arrested for Scamming Clients out of $1.2 Million

A San Antonio lawyer known as the “DWI Dude” has been arrested on federal charges for swindling $1.2 million from clients in a phony bribery scheme. Jamie Balagia (also known as the “420 Dude” for his marijuana law expertise) had allegedly convinced clients that he needed $2 million to successfully bribe judges and prosecutors in…

At The Drive In and Gay Rapper Cakes Da Killa Tear Up SXSW

Legendary Texas post-hardcore band At the Drive In recently announced their first record in 17 years, along with a string of tour dates to support it (one in San Antonio, heads up), but not before a brief, sort-of surprise stop at this years South By South West festival.  The crowd that had rushed to the…

10 Things You Have to Do This Weekend

Thu 3/16 “Becoming” San Antonio artist Jesse Amado presents his latest solo show, “Becoming,” smack dab in the middle of Contemporary Art Month. Continuing in the widely celebrated vein of his recent work, this new collection finds the consistently innovative and whimsically confounding artist playing with concepts as divergent as materiality, design, religion, politics and…

Folc Owners Are Suing Previous Landlord

San Antonio’s burgeoning food scene is once again facing a hiccup in tenant/landlord relations. This time, the owners of Folc and Park Social have filed a lawsuit against their previous landlord Carolea LLC. In the suit, partners Luis Colon and Daniel Eisenhauer allege their former landlord breached their lease contract signed in June 2014 by…

LaMarcus Aldridge Is Cleared to Play After Heart Arrhythmia

The Spurs have cleared LaMarcus Aldridge to resume all basketball-related activities after the power forward experienced an irregular heartbeat last week, forcing him to miss his next two games. Aldridge, who has a history of minor heart issues, underwent a series of tests and consultations over the weekend to ensure he could safely return to…

Cured’s Steve McHugh Is SA’s James Beard Award Finalist

The finalists of the James Beard Foundation Awards were announced this afternoon and one familiar face has been named to the shortlist for Best Chef Southwest. Steven McHugh of Cured at the Pearl for Best Chef Southwest. McHugh opened Cured in 2013 after a career with John Besh Restaurant Group. Cured is known for its…


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