Huge portions are a staple of the best of Southern living. But do you ever look at your 1/2-pound burger in disappointment, longing for, say, five more? For the bravest — and hungriest — souls in town, here are a couple of places where a big appetite could finally meet its match.
4602 Callaghan Road, (210) 433-9960
For the fan of the spiciest fare, the Four Horsemen Challenge at Chunky’s Burgers is the place to go. Dubbed the “Hottest Burger on the Planet” by Travel Channel’s Man V. Food, the burger features fresh jalapeño and Serrano peppers, habanero sauce and the infamous Ghost Pepper. Anyone can try the challenge, as long as they are 18 or have a parent or guardian sign a waiver. Polish it off in 25 minutes to claim bragging rights and a place in the Wall of Fame are in your supremely spicy future.
Big Lou’s Pizza
2048 S. W. W. White Road, (210) 337-0707
One of San Antonio’s most famous challenges involves pizza, lots and lots of pizza. For $51.09, patrons of Big Lou’s Pizza are faced with the challenge of consuming a 42-inch pizza, too big for a box. Though there is no formal prize for this mega-meal, the satisfaction of snapping a before and after picture and the immense pride of this truly massive accomplishment is reward enough.
Armadillos Texas Style Burgers
1423 McCullough Road, (210) 226-7556
A 3-pound Texas-style burger smothered with cheese and bacon awaits those who’re looking to conquer Armadillos Burger challenge. With the extra large bun to hold it all together, the burger comes out to 3.5 pounds of, well, heartburn, probably. Finish in one sitting for a free T-shirt and the invaluable experience of a job well-digested.
The Flying Saucer
11255 Huebner Road, Suite 212, (210) 696-5080
The coveted Ring of Honor at the Flying Saucer Draught Emporium isn’t an all-at-once challenge, but maybe that’s for the best. Instead, customers who show up enough times and drink enough different brews they will be inducted into the Ring of Honor with a golden plate to be hung on the wall of the location.
Lulu’s Bakery & Cafe
918 N. Main Ave., (210) 222-9422
Famous for their 3.5-pound cinnamon roll and plate-sized chicken fried steak, Lulu’s packs a punch with this intensely Texan menu. Eating a Lulu’s cinnamon roll isn’t officially a competition, but among the 600 pastries made daily and the San Antonians who compare Texas-sized portion stories, there’s room enough for sweet, sweet competition.
Charlie Wants a Burger
223 Losoya St., (210) 227-0864
Burger plus fries plus onion rings adds up to the Two Pounds Unleashed Challenge at Charlie Wants a Burger on the River Walk. Finish this monstrous combo for a free meal, your face on the wall and an “I Made the Burger Obey” T-shirt.
Sam’s Burger Joint
330 E. Grayson St., (210) 223-2830
While a 1-pound burger may seem like a trifling challenge in the face of 3.5-pounders across the city, give it a try at Sam’s Burger Joint for a filling and enjoyable experience. The BugUn Monster costs $12.99 and is definitely worth the potential bellyache. Bring a friend or take half home for a comparatively accomplishable, though still hearty, meal.
Big Lou’s Burgers & BBQ
2014 S. W. W. White Road, (210) 359-8015 Big Burgers seem to be the theme here, so we’ve got another whopper of a burger the true Angus fan has got to conquer. Big Lou’s The Super Big Lou is a 12-pound burger that feeds 8-10 people. The 6.5-pound patty plus all the fixings comes with tots, fries and onion rings. Bring some friends to help out with what sounds like a true Texas-sized meal.
This article appears in Jun 15-21, 2016.