San Antonio’s annual citywide party, Fiesta, is generally an easygoing affair. We tend to be inclusive of newcomers, and while there are plenty of rituals, they’re not hard to figure out. Just shout “Show us your shoes!” when everyone else in the crowd does. And, oh yeah, don’t punch anyone in the face when they break a cascarone over your head.

That said, there are a few missteps one can make at Fiesta. Party fouls, if you will. No one’s going to throw you in the San Antonio River if you don’t get this stuff right, but whether you’re a newcomer or a seasoned reveler, it’s best to brush up and know how to avoid basic Fiesta mistakes. 

We’re going to have to ask you to work during the Battle of Flowers Parade. Credit: Jaime Monzon
Use the porta-potty at Fiesta If you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go. But avoid using a porta-potty at all costs. Credit: Jaime Monzon
Shout “Show us your shoes!” at the Fiesta Pooch Parade. Credit: Photo via Instagram / theirishroguesbrogue
Assume you can find parking downtown — at least parking that doesn’t cost a fortune. Credit: Sanford Nowlin
Invoke the five second rule after dropping your chicken-on-a-stick on the ground at NIOSA. Credit: Jaime Monzon
Forget to use all your beer and food tickets and find them in your pocket or purse the next morning. Credit: Sanford Nowlin
Think that the beer line next to the one that you’re already in is moving faster. Credit: Jaime Monzon
The rules for cascarone combat When Fiesta rolls around and family members, friends and coworkers sneak around breaking confetti eggs over each others’ heads, rest assured there will be plenty of lawyering over who is and isn’t fair game, what rooms are off limits and what constitutes dickish behavior. San Antonians apparently invented egg-to-head combat, so stands to reason we’re experts in its governing rules. Credit: Jaime Monzon
If you’re a business owner — not give your employees the day off during the Battle of Flowers Parade. Credit: Jaime Monzon
Assume the ticket price at Oyster Bake will be low because the headlining bands usually play the state-fair circuit and haven’t had a hit in decades. Credit: Jaime Monzon
Not get chicken-on-a-stick at Fiesta Sure, some local restaurants offer chicken-on-a-stick year-round, but at Fiesta it just tastes different, you know? Credit: Jaime Monzon
Assume that $20 will buy enough beer tickets. Credit: Jaime Monzon
Assume that $20 will buy enough food tickets. Credit: Jaime Monzon
Deprive your children of fun (and risk serious psychological damage) by not letting them on carnival rides or have food on a pointed stick. Credit: Jaime Monzon
Tell anyone that Fiesta pales in comparison to SXSW. Credit: Jaime Monzon
Hate crowds and show up at NIOSA, Fiesta de Los Reyes, the King William Fair, or … well, the list goes on. Credit: Jaime Monzon
Ask a food vendor if they have any paleo diet options. Credit: Jaime Monzon
Assume your array of Fiesta medals will get you admission to a miliary facility or will earn you salutes from service members. Credit: Jaime Monzon
Eat and entire order of fried jalapeños and not be prepared for it to burn twice. Credit: Jaime Monzon
Not cheer loudly when your alma mater’s marching band passes during any parade — no matter how lame the song they’re playing is. Credit: Jaime Monzon
Admit to anyone during the next 10 days you don’t enjoy mariachi music. Credit: Javier Fernandez Photography, courtesy of Visit San Antonio
Show up to Taste of New Orleans when you hate spicy food. Credit: Photo via Wikimedia Commons / jill, jellidonut… whatever
Show up at Viva Botanica! looking to buy a candle to burn to assure a Spurs victory. Credit: Courtesy Photo / San Antonio Botanical Garden
Use the river as a urinal during the Texas Cavaliers River Parade because the port-a-potty lines are too long. Credit: Courtesy Photo / Fiesta San Antonio