A massive home recently listed for sale in New Braunfels is simply too weird to pass up.
Much like a nice-looking, well-spoken person who ends up being a total weirdo, there’s more than meets the eye when approaching this palatial $8 million estate from the curb.
The 10,706-square-foot Neo-Colonial residence sits on 143 acres of unadulterated Hill Country land, and its stately exterior includes a double-decker front porch that spans the entire front. Though the five-bedroom, five-and-a-half-bath dwelling was constructed in 2010, its design is meant to appear much older. The columns and shutters suggest an old Southern charm.
Even as the house is explored from room to room, the first impression is fairly tame. Powder blue walls serve as the backdrop for an impressive antiques collection — yet another detail making the property appear much older than its years.
The kitchen is bright and two stories high, with a balcony for judging someone else’s spatchcocking, as if it’s an operating theater. But where things get really weird is the house’s full-scale ice cream parlor, where custom signage announces its name as “Grammyland.”
Gee, we wonder which grandma is the kids’ favorite.
The ice cream parlor is convincingly commercial-looking, down to the diner-style bar counter with built-in stools and the velvet rope and stanchions at its entrance. One at a time, kids. Grammy ain’t messing around.
But that’s not even the weirdest detail in this house. That distinction is reserved for a game room, where a classic car has been converted into a pool table. The unusual billiards table is also located beneath an upside down boat that’s suspended (with oars) from the ceiling.
Elsewhere in the game room is a taxidermy swordfish and a wall of gun cabinets. Presumably, the weaponry is on display in case some pool shark gets bright ideas.
The eccentric home also has an elevator, dumbwaiter and a movie theater that seats 15 people. In the backyard, a giant slide rivaling those nearby at Schlitterbahn looks ready to spill giggling kids out into the pool.
Honestly, we kinda wish she was our grandma too.
This home is listed by Noa Levy Levy with eXp Realty LLC. All photos and listing info via Realtor.com.
Every house has a story, and our mission is to tell San Antonio’s story through the lens of our community’s historic and colorful homes. The San Antonio Current’s real estate features are not ads, and are strictly operated through our editorial department. But we love public input. Do you know of a unique San Antonio home that we should highlight? Let us know, and email skoithan@sacurrent.com.
