Dress for success, but not just yet

Go to class in your PJs, while you can.

Walk campus in the wee hours

“To see stray cats and ghosts. … That’s what we did at OLLU,” wrote Darrell Hoberer.

Start a company

You’ve seen The Social Network, right? On a similar note, the idea for what became FedEx was first conceived by its founder, Frederick Smith, for an economics assignment at Yale, although he didn’t put the idea into action until years later. Google began as a Stanford research project by founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin.

Get your grammar act together

Your/you’re. Its/It’s. You may seek casual sex, but probably not causal sex (as one Facebook friend scolded another). Edit Yourself by Bruce Ross-Larson is but one of dozens of manuals that’ll help if none of your classes have. Remember, you can’t carry your diploma with you all the time. Know the stuff that people expect from a college grad.

Disassemble a car

“Then re-assemble it inside of someone’s dorm while they are away at home!” suggests prankster Monte D. Young.

Remember your homework

With all of those distracting extra-curriculars vying for your attention, it’s easy to forget that you’re there to learn some stuff. But you did just spend $98 dollars on that calculus textbook so you might as well make use of it. Tuition only becomes more burdensome when you have to pay double because you failed your classes.

Plot your entry into the Guinness Book of World Records

If it’s a group activity, you’ll never have a more promising pool of potential co-conspirators waiting to join your quest.

Register to vote

And follow up by voting.

Wake up in another country

Without a clue as to how you got there.

Fire a rocket-propelled grenade

In a safe environment, of course.

Move off campus

And learn to take care of yourself.

Learn to cook

As an important part of the above.

Get to know people different from yourself

They may be easier to find than before, or after.

Beer pong

Don’t just play. Learn to dominate.

Volunteer for research

You can pick up pocket change and, who knows, say, “She never would have gotten that Nobel Prize without me.”

Acquire a master key

To everything on campus.

Watch Animal House

One of our colleagues considers it a documentary. See if it is for you.

Make the Dean’s list

At least once. If you’re generally a fuck-up, it’s nice to prove the problem really is your attitude, not your ability.

Graduate

And put all this behind you. Begin dispensing unsolicited advice to undergrads. •

Concept by Detroit Metro Times intern Ally Levise. Execution by Ally Levise and the MT staff (with a lot of help from the San Antonio Current‘s Facebook community). Other suggestions from Current readers are scattered across the guide.

This article appears in Aug 24-30, 2011 and College Guide (2011).