Of all the issues Texans are dealing with right now, Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick thinks they care what people call a New York strip. Credit: Wikimedia Commons / Gage Skidmore

Assclown Alert is a column of opinion, analysis and snark.

Plenty of observers were concerned about the ability of Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick to fairly preside over the impeachment trial of Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton.

After all, Patrick, who’s neither an attorney nor a judge, benefitted from a $1 million campaign contribution and a $2 million loan from Paxton-backing PAC Defend Texas Liberty weeks before the trial began. Not to mention, Patrick — a cutthroat partisan — was overseeing a trial of a fellow member of the right flank of the Texas GOP.

Now, in a tirade that followed the Republican-controlled Texas Senate’s acquittal of Paxton on all 16 charges he faced, Patrick has put his bias on full display.

In what the Texas Tribune referred to as a “blistering speech,” Patrick railed against the impeachment process and skewered the Texas House’s impeachment managers and Speaker Dade Phelan, claiming they rushed the trial while also providing insufficient evidence.

Further, Patrick called for an audit of taxpayer money spent during the impeachment process, claiming it had wasted “millions of taxpayer dollars.”

Never mind that the impeachment managers from the GOP-controlled House provided more than 3,000 pages of documents. Or that the evidence against Paxton included damning whistleblower testimony from former members of his own inner circle of Christian conservatives.

Contrary to Patrick’s claim, the trial was anything but a political sham. The accusations that Paxton directed state resources to benefit real estate developer Nate Paul, a friend and campaign donor, were serious, and the evidence against the AG — an officeholder whose career has been synonymous with political scandal — was overwhelming.

Patrick may have fooled some Texans by playing at impartiality during the trial, but this assclown’s recent comments betray a deep-seated bias to shield one of his key political allies.

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This article appears in Sep 20 – Oct 3, 2023.

Sanford Nowlin is editor-in-chief of the San Antonio Current. He holds degrees from Trinity University and the University of Texas at San Antonio, and his work has been featured in Salon, Alternet, Creative...