“Have you seen the box of dildos?”
Halfway through the Current’s photo shoot at the Sexology Institute in Southtown, the seemingly offhand comment by Melissa Jones, its executive director, elicited loud giggles.
[Slideshow: A Peek Inside Southtown’s New Sexology Institute (NSFW)]
The dildos in question are the ones Jones uses for some classes offered at her new shop. They’re for class-use only and, oh yes, they’re sterilized after every course, she clarifies.
If you’ve missed the demure signage, approved by the city’s Historic and Design Review Commission, you’re not alone. The shop does little to set itself apart from neighboring stores. Still the sign has been up for eight months, and yet, the puritanical pitchfork-wielding mobs have stayed at bay.
Lavaca resident and performance artist S. T. Shimi — known as “Black Orchid” in the city’s burlesque community — welcomed the new boutique.
“I’ve lived in Lavaca for the last 20 years — we’re the original bohemians and hipsters,” Shimi says.
She recalls previous shops that have sold sexy garments, but those usually didn’t last. “It’s silly to overblow it,” she says. “It’s just another business and for those of us who are tired about bars opening [we] should be supportive. Sex happens.”
A call to the King William Association was also met with a similarly blasé attitude uncharacteristic to the traditionally vigilant organization. “There’s not even been a whisper from anyone,” shrugs Cherise Bell, executive director for the King William Association.
That wasn’t the case for Rita Delgado, who opened Shades of Love off Bitters with sister Rosemary 15 years ago. Let’s just say there was no welcoming party.
“We had people protesting the shop, arguing we shouldn’t be in the shopping center. Thankfully, the person that leased to us had an open mind,” Delgado says.
She likens Shades of Love as a service to the community: “Sex isn’t dirty. It should be enjoyed, pleasurable and help sustain healthy relationships.”
No such rough seas for Southtown’s Sexology Institute. Once inside the renovated space, which has a history of its own and is rumored to have been a brothel in a previous lifetime, Jones’ attention to detail and her clientele’s comfort level shows it’s nothing of the sort now.
The shop is broken down into three distinct sections: a boutique, a sliver of a toy store and a classroom. Cream-colored corsets in various sizes and lengths hang from stylish racks behind one of two shop windows — the other holds a display of vintage dress forms donning corsets — so the shop’s innards are kept mostly hidden from passersby.
Imagine combining the airy quality of Anthropologie, a slightly toned down version of Victoria’s Secret, with touches of Tiffany blue, the always-fabulous exposed brick and a hint of shabby chic — you’ve landed inside the Sexology Institute. Sure, the lace and frill of some of the garments could cause some mild blushing from the conservative set, but the front portion of the boutique focuses solely on providing cute bridal underthings, bath bombs, candles, chocolate-draped treats, jewelry and sure, a few flavored lubes — of the gluten-free and organic variety, at that.
An Educational Experience
The boutique might make for a fun afternoon of shopping in advance of date night or a girls’ night out (which they’ll start hosting in the coming weeks), but the educational component of the Sexology Institute is what Jones wants to talk about the most. Her office is filled with plush couches and dark, moody hues of red and blue — the ambience, along with Jones’ personality and vibe, is what sets the Sexology Institute apart from other sex shops.
The well-educated 43-year-old mother of three and member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints — more commonly known as the Mormon Church — isn’t the kind of background you’d expect from a sex shop owner and instructor. Not by a long shot.
When asked what made her dive into this particular field, the chipper blonde immediately shot back: “Church. I know. It’s funny.”
While away at church camp where she was a youth leader for teen girls, Jones and a few other leaders got to talkin’.
“One evening after all the girls were in their tent, several women were just visiting around the campfire, and they started talking about how they didn’t like sex, or how it was only for procreation and how they never [achieved] orgasm. I thought ‘Wow, I’m lucky, because I like sex.'”
Things actually changed after she told that tale to her husband of 22 years, who encouraged her to do something to help others discover the joys of sex, Jones says she enrolled in an online doctoral program she believed was partnered with the University of Nevada Las Vegas. But the UNLV registrar’s office had no knowledge of such a program and did not list Jones as a Ph.D recipient. Jones was shocked to learn this news.
“I’m at a complete loss,” she says, noting she’s seeking legal advice. “My biggest concern is my employees, and what we’ve invested in this product, this store, and what we can do for San Antonio.”
But she has too much experience and has invested too much time and effort to turn her back on her new venture, she says.
As a sex educator and coach, Jones explains, her coursework included several “Sexual Attitude Reassessments,” aimed at exposing students to sexy scenarios while helping strip away preconceived notions of certain lifestyles.
“I had to go out to Vegas three different times. As a Mormon and conservative, I’d never been in a strip club,” Jones says of her first SAR (and yes, she dragged husband with her), which she says she turned into a class paper. “That was profound for me…[it] let me take away all this judgment of people and realize they’re just people and they want what we want, which is to feel loved and give love, however that is.”
To put things into perspective, practicing members of LDS faith adhere to the law of chastity — absolutely no sexual relations before marriage. Still, the role sex plays in a marriage isn’t easily defined. More conservative members might think sex is just intercourse for procreation purposes, says Sarah Pinnock, a religious ethics and gender professor at Trinity University, while others are inclined to believe the church has no business making rules about sex in marriage — it’s the couple’s choice.
These morals are also upheld in pop culture. Stephenie Meyer, a Mormon and author of the Twilight series, was often criticized for her portrayal of a wanton female character that lost her virginity only once she and her sparkly vampy beau were married. Interestingly, writer E. L. James was inspired by the Bella/Edward romance to create the sorta-BDSM-themed erotic novel, Fifty Shades of Grey.
Considering its conservative Catholic roots, relative acceptance of such shops is healthy for San Antonio, according to Julie Miller, chairwoman of the University of the Incarnate Word’s religious studies department
“Catholicism’s use of the Theology of the Body, made popular by Christopher West during Pope John Paul II’s tenure … basically flips sexuality on its head and acknowledges humans are essentially sexual, desire is God-given and nothing to be ashamed of,” Miller says. “It’s there to create intimacy.”
Although Jones may have been hesitant at first to pursue this calling, including conferences through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists — “where you go in watch videos, you get naked, you talk about your level of comfort” — Jones has spent the last five years reconciling her background with her passion.
“I intentionally try to do nothing that would put me in conflict with my faith and the teachings of my church while still staying true to my mission as a sexuality educator,” Jones says. “I think that’s one reason why I can do this, hear any story, still have my own value system, but not impart those. Everyone wants to be happy.”
And helping clients reach that happiness runs the gamut from tackling erectile dysfunction to helping females overcome anorgasmia (not ever being able to achieve an orgasm).
Jones practiced out of a sleepy office in the Medical Center for four years before deciding to open shop in Lavaca. About half of her clients are referrals from urologists and gynecologists. The rest are clients who’ve attended a coaching session (usually free or around the $30 mark) around town or at conferences on topics such as the art of fellatio (this is when the aforementioned box of pink and purple dildos is used), how to achieve an orgasm for couples and classes on sex toys. She holds court as she shares statistics on orgasms, factoids on male genitalia (she calls the frenulum, or underside of the penis, the “Friendly Spot”) and her own theories on squirting.
Initial coaching sessions with Jones start at $120 for 90 minutes; follow-up sessions are usually $80. Because most cases of sexual dysfunction aren’t considered medically necessary by many insurance companies (except ED), Jones can’t file claims for clients. The top roadblocks her clients confront are intimacy and communication.
The O-Factor
The Sexology Institute is technically a retail shop, as Jones has chosen not to carry materials such as videos, DVDs and X-rated magazines that would qualify the shop as a bona fide adult sex store.
“We refer those to other shops because, of course, we want to support the community that’s out there because they’re doing what we’re doing — trying to promote healthy sex, longevity, having a relationship with someone,” Jones says.
So instead of finding plastic-wrapped toys and a deluge of lubes to use at the Sexology Institute, Jones and her team, which includes long-time friend and neighbor Diana Jimenez, have whittled down offerings to only high-end, pre-approved wares that are often less intimidating to a female clientele.
“We’re here for women, to empower them and embrace their sexuality. For me, when women come in, I want to be that girlfriend they want to talk to,” says Jimenez, who also teaches the workshops on corsets and masturbation.
The Institute emphasizes quality. The toy selection is kept in stylish glass display cases along the back hallway that leads into the classroom.
The items start out relatively tame — body butters fill the first display; ben-wa balls, used for pelvic floor prolapse (do your kegels, folks) fill the second; small discrete “bullet”-type toys fill the next. On that note, who doesn’t need a 24-karat “Vesper” necklace vibrator you can charge using a USB port?
Even the more risqué products could be confused for paperweights. Spurs fans can enjoy a black and silver handmade glass dildo.
Linger just a tad bit as most shop-goers here seem to do and you might glimpse the small but growing collection of ol’ timey vibrators, such as an oversized bullet and other toys dating back to the early 1900s.
Though most shop-goers seem wary about being interviewed, Gaby Jimenez and Sevannah Castro were impressed. Seems that the Sexology Institute is a far leap from the lewd and gaudy knick-knacks found at Spencer’s Gifts, the source of many a gag gift found in most area malls.
“It’s good, very clean and not awkward,” Gaby Jimenez chimes in.
The shop might cause an occasional blush, but as Jones puts it, Sexology Institute is here to educate and empower.
Awkwardness be damned.
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This article appears in The Passion Issue.
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