Assclown Alert: Cowering before the anti-vaccine crowd with Texas Gov. Greg Abbott

Assclown Alert is a column of opinion, analysis and snark.

Ahead of a short-lived 2021 run for Texas lieutenant governor, veteran political strategist Matthew Dowd shared the word he thought most accurately described Gov. Greg Abbott.

“The perfect word … is ‘craven’ because I don’t think he has any fundamental principles other than responding to what his current political base is,” Dowd told Texas Monthly.

During a round of media appearances, Dowd tore into Abbott for his response to the COVID-19 pandemic — a strategy molded not by science but an obsequious bid to placate the Republican Party’s anti-vaccine fringe.

As you may recall, Abbott prematurely dropped the state’s mask mandate without consulting medical experts or advisors on his own pandemic task force. He also issued executive orders banning municipalities from enacting their own mask and vaccine requirements.

Those actions worsened Texas’ COVID death toll, infectious-disease experts charge.

Now, as Texas grapples with what’s emerging as its most serious public health crisis since the pandemic, Abbott is once again showing his true colors: the mottled brownish hues of chickenshit.

As of press time, roughly 160 people have been infected in the Lone Star State’s worst measles outbreak in 30 years. One child has died, and more people are hospitalized. And, yes, most of the infected are unvaccinated, according to state data.

Now is the time for Abbott to use his sizable megaphone to urge people to take the MMR vaccine. Especially since the vaccine is 97% effective against measles and proven safe by decades of data.

Instead, the craven occupant of the Texas Governor’s Mansion has been all but silent.

Far from calling press conferences or appearing on TV news programs, Abbott has only once acknowledged the outbreak. He assured us in a Feb. 28 tweet — that’s about four weeks into the outbreak for those keeping score at home — that his office is in contact with health officials and “will deploy all necessary resources” to keep us safe.

The Current’s attempt to solicit additional comment from Abbott’s office only resulted in a spokesperson sharing a link back to that same social media message. 

Interestingly, Abbott’s tweet appeared hours after the Texas Tribune posted a story critical of the state’s Republican leadership for staying silent during the outbreak. Also of note: while the governor said he instructed state officials to dispatch “immunization teams” to affected areas, his tweet included no call for unvaccinated Texans to get jabbed and slow the spread.

Meanwhile, the outbreak has spread to nine counties, including Travis, where Austin soon will host the massive SXSW festival. What’s more, San Antonio health officials warn that a recent visit by an infected individual could have exposed “thousands” of people here to the potentially deadly ailment.

Back in 2021, Dowd said Abbott’s time in office demonstrated his utter lack of leadership.

“Well, he’s been revealed,” Dowd told Texas Monthly. “I mean, it’s between him and [Florida governor Ron] DeSantis for who could be the worst governor in America. They’re in a stiff competition.”

Four years later, both assclowns are still in office, and the measles outbreak shows not much in Texas has changed.

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This article appears in Feb 19-25, 2025.