Assclown Alert is a column of opinion, analysis and snark.
Ken Paxton is at it again.
And as with most of the Texas attorney general’s greatest hits, this latest reeks of a man desperately flailing for attention.
In case anyone missed it, Paxton — who’s facing a Republican primary runoff as he chases U.S. Sen. John Cornyn’s seat — last week made the chest-thumping announcement that he’s “launched investigations into dozens of Medicaid providers across Texas.”
Making things even spicier for the MAGA base, he claimed that his dragnet stems from a data dump wrangled out of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services via the so-called “Department of Government Efficiency.”
Yes, DOGE.
You remember DOGE, right? The short-lived entity whose chief, Elon Musk, initially pledged to shave $2 trillion of waste from the federal budget. Of course, the billionaire and his clueless cadre of tech bros ended up doing nothing of the sort — despite all the chaos, job cuts and risks to Americans’ private data they managed to cook up.
Let’s cut through the smoke here: Paxton’s announcement isn’t about protecting taxpayers or rooting out Medicaid fraud. It’s about politics.
Specifically, it’s about Paxton’s need to juice up the MAGA base as he claws his way through a brutal runoff with Cornyn. When you’re an underfunded, scandal-scarred candidate with indictments, near-impeachments and alleged extramarital affairs as baggage, you don’t run on character or competence — you run on outrage.
The playbook couldn’t be more obvious. Take a half-baked, right-wing fever dream — in this case, the nonsense about “massive Medicaid fraud” in Minnesota that’s been floating around conservative echo chambers — and you slap a Texas label on it. Yee-fucking-haw!
“Ken Paxton is trying to emulate Trump and all the BS people have been spreading about Minnesota, from what I can tell,” UT-San Antonio political scientist Jon Taylor said, cutting to the chase. “It’s laughable, especially when you consider that he’s trying to tie all this to DOGE. If DOGE has been anything, it’s been a failure.”
But never mind whether Paxton’s claim holds up under scrutiny. Never mind whether the data actually supports his insinuations. The goal here isn’t truth. It’a about landing time with friendly media, firing up the base and screaming, “Look! I’m owning the libs!” Or whoever Paxton’s hoping to own this week.
It’s not just cynical. It’s lazy.
Once again, Paxton is playing the role of crusader while quietly sidestepping the fact that he’s transformed his office into a political weapon first and an agency of public service second. To point, an investigation last year by Austin TV station KXAN found that his office owed Texans $21 billion in child support.
And here’s the kicker: this assclown’s not even good at his own act. There’s no originality here, no clever angle, no fresh scandal at which to pearl-clutch — just reheated talking points and a lot of bluster.
Hey, Ken, if you’re going to peddle bullshit, at least have the decency to make it interesting.
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