When it comes to naming 2025’s Assclown of the Year, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton doesn’t just qualify — he lapped the field, flipped the bird at the other contenders and fired off an angrily worded press release about it.
Let’s start with our Republican AG’s culture-war carnival barking.
While Texans rightly worry about rip-off artists, grid failures and other real-world problems, Paxton has turned his office into a grievance factory dedicated to punishing LGBTQ+ Texans. Drag panic? He’s on it. Trans kids? Yep, he made sure and made their lives hell too. Equal protections? Never heard of ‘em, apparently.
With this clown — and that’s spelled with a capital KKK — it’s all ugly spectacle, a never-ending series of lawsuits and threats designed to play to the most unhinged corners of the base.
Voting rights got the same treatment. Instead of protecting access to the ballot like one would expect from the state’s top cop, Paxton treated elections like crime scenes where the suspects are voters who don’t resemble his donors. He’s sued, blustered and postured his way to copious headlines, all while giving the bare minimum of effort to protecting Texans from real criminality.
Sorry, Texas, the AG is too busy auditioning for future political office to bother himself with the actual business of protecting your rights or pocketbooks!
Speaking of future political office, this year brought Kenny-boy’s decision to take a run at incumbent Republican U.S. Sen. John Cornyn’s seat — a move political observers think may give Dems their first chance at winning a statewide political office in Texas since 1994. Paxton could win the primary, but his extreme views and history of scandal will make him unpalatable even for a share of mainstream Republicans. Or so the logic goes.
Because, yes, a simple Google of Paxton’s name reads like fat-to-bursting scrapbook of scandal. There’s the now-dropped FBI investigation, the settlement in the felony securities fraud case, the angry whistleblowers, the alleged affairs (plural) — and that’s just the first few things that percolate up.
Ken Paxton didn’t just earn Assclown of the Year: he perfected the goddamned craft.
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