San Antonio’s a city with its own attitude and its own culture. And San Antonians — at least the ones who stick around for a few years — don’t feel the need to make excuses for it. Deal with it, or head out on I-35, pendejo.

So, how do we codify what it means to be San Antonian? There aren’t laws on the books. The rules aren’t engraved on plaques that hang on the walls of public buildings. You might say being a true San Antonian is guided by unwritten laws. You know, the kind you feel in your heart and wear on your sleeve.

With that in mind, we’d like to offer up these 25 unwritten rules of San Antonio. Hell, there are probably more, but let’s consider this a starter to the conversation.

What happens at Fiesta stays at Fiesta. Credit: Photo by Jaime Monzon
The hot local gossip is just as likely to be about your councilperson as Mrs. Jones from down the street. Credit: Michael Karlis
N. St. Mary’s Street always has been — and always will be — under construction. Credit: Sanford Nowlin
Breakfast tastes better when it comes wrapped in foil. Credit: Photo via Instagram / breaking.bread.in.sa
Who cares if Ghost Tracks was debunked? That shit is real. Credit: Photo via Google Maps
You can raise enough money for any relative’s life-saving operation with a barbecue plate sale. Credit: Photo via Instagram / puropinchesa
They’ve never seen the Selena movie — and they sure as hell can’t quote from it. Credit: Warner Bros.
You can talk as much shit about San Antonio as you want, but only if you’re from here. Credit: Photo via Twitter / AngelaM_10_
They haven’t yet learned how to hold grudges against asshats like Kawhi Leonard, Charles Barkley, Mark Cuban and Karl Malone.And we’re keeping the list short here. Credit: Photo via Twitter / BrianRayy_
Every time you visit an older neighborhood, point out what wasn’t there two years ago — and how dangerous it was five years ago. Credit: Photo by Sanford Nowlin
Big Red & Barbacoa When a city hosts an entire festival dedicated to a food combination, you know it must be good. Such is the case with Big Red and barbacoa, a pairing that San Antonians just can’t get enough of. Credit: Photo via Instagram / sanantoniostephanie
Watch your speed through Windcrest. Credit: Photo via Instagram / windcrestedc
Be prepared to sing along to “(Hey Baby) Que Paso” any time it pops up on a bar jukebox. Credit: Photo via Twitter / Blue_Bridge_Rob
It’s acceptable to refer to any place that serves cold beer as an “ice house.” Credit: Photo via Instagram / tonyssiesta
Don’t visit any Tex-Mex restaurant that doesn’t make its own flour tortillas. Credit: Photo via Instagram / tacosr4lovers
They look confused when someone makes a Fred’s Fish Fry joke. Credit: Sanford Nowlin
Tex-Mex combo dinners should be referred to by numbers, as in “I’ll have the No. 3 Plate with a chalupa on the side.” Credit: Photo via Instagram / eatdrinkandberichard
You will root for UTSA even if you didn’t go there. Credit: Photo via Wikimedia Commons / Blake675
If you think there might be lard in something, there is. Credit: Photo via Instagam / this.is.sanantonio
Keep necessities in stock so you don’t panic-raid H-E-B when there’s bad weather It’s a San Antonio tradition to join the hordes descending upon H-E-B when there’s a grim forecast. Instead of fighting the crowds, try keeping some basic necessities in stock and reduce your stress when the storms roll in. Credit: Photo via Unsplash / Brittani Burns
If you ever get lost driving downtown, look for the Tower of the Americas. Credit: Photo by Aimee Wyatt
What side of town someone lives on doesn’t reveal as much as what high school they went to. Credit: Photo courtesy of Edgewood Independent School District
They use a rental truck when making a move inside the city.Just pile up the back of tio’s pickup, foo! Credit: Photo by Sarah Martinez
Gamez Law fights. Credit: Photo via Google Maps
See one of the following bands at least once before you die: Saxon, Legs Diamond or UFO. Credit: Photo by Jaime Monzon

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