Assclown Alert: Shitting on LGBTQ+ Texans with State Reps. Tony Tinderholt and Bryan Slaton

Assclown Alert is a column of opinion, analysis and snark.

If the opening days of this session of the Texas Legislature tells us anything, it’s to expect a months-long crusade by conservative lawmakers to punish the state’s LGBTQ+ community.

During the Lege’s second day of business, Jan. 11, State Reps. Tony Tinderholt, R-Arlington, and Brian Slaton, R-Royse City, wasted two hours in a failed tag-team attempt to tack anti-transgender amendments onto a procedural resolution setting up the House of Representatives’ rules, the HuffPost reports. One of the most absurd of those amendments would require anyone who chairs a House committee to publicly state that they only believe in the existence of two genders.

The lawmakers’ bigoted shitshow ultimately failed. House Speaker Dade Phelan, R-Beaumont, a fellow Republican, ruled that their amendments were irrelevant to the resolution being discussed, according to the HuffPost.

It’s easy to dismiss these douchebags as just another pair of grandstanding GOPers eager to pull a stunt aimed at stroking the homophobes in their base. Sadly, there are plenty of other Texas lawmakers also eager to punish the state’s LGBTQ+ community. Apparently, they’re just willing to display more patience than Tinderholt and Slaton.

Republicans have filed nearly 70 bills this session that aim to take away rights from LGBTQ+ Texans, according to the latest count by the advocacy group Equality Texas, which by now must be tired of keeping a running tally of this kind of horseshit. Incidentally, this session’s number is more than double the prior record of 33.

Predictably, a number of the bills would prevent parents from seeking gender-affirming medical care for their kids. Others seek to punish establishments that host drag shows and ban minors from any type of show featuring performers in drag, regardless of whether there’s any adult content.

Get ready for more ugliness. The session’s just getting started, and it’s a safe bet there are plenty of assclown lawmakers willing to join Tinderholt and Slaton on their crusade of intolerance and division.

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This article appears in Feb 8-21, 2023.