This one is for the ’90s kids.
A house listed for $775,000 in far North San Antonio may not look too wacky on the outside, but inside is — dare we say — bonkers.
Constructed in 1992, the house seems to have fully embraced the era of its construction, to the extent that the interior looks like the ubiquitous ’90s “Jazz” Solo cups whose purple and teal design is seared into many of our brains.
You know the one.
The three-bedroom, four-and-a-half-bath property, presumably once owned by a distant cousin of Enya, is an explosion of pastels. The first sight upon stepping through the front door is a stairway that is nothing but Pure Moods™, with its wisps of purple and turquoise clouds.
The colorful clouds are offset by a series of archways throughout the home that seem to be going for ’90s-does-Southwest aesthetic, imitating the buttes of Monument Valley.
On the first and second floors, this glossy take on a natural motif continues with long, jagged strips of mirror extending two stories. The mirrored strips are interspersed between alternating strips of purple and turquoise-painted wall. The bizarre design choice seems to resemble long strands of seaweed or blades of grass — at least, that’s our best guess anyway.
Much like Cocteau Twins lyrics, we have no idea what’s going on, but we’re into it.
Peculiar design choices continue in the pastel purple kitchen, where a stained-glass skylight with a geometric, angular design on the ceiling is contrasted with the softness of walls sponged with more turquoise and purple paint.
What millennial’s mom didn’t sponge the walls at some point in the decade?
And for those who wish to live like the Rainbow Fish in captivity, boy, do we have just the bathroom for you. The walls resemble the scales of the titular fish from the best-selling 1992 children’s book, and the glass blocks enclosing the walk-in shower only add to the ’90s aquarium aesthetic.
Bold design choices continue throughout — too many to name here, in fact. They even extend to the backyard pool oasis, where a waterfall allows you to act out your best Ace Ventura impression.
The house, which admittedly is not for everybody, but will be perfect for your aunt who authors pseudo-spiritual self-help books, has also seen a $45,000 price cut recently.
That’s over $100,000 in 1992 dollars.
This home is listed by Dayton Schrader with eXp Realty LLC.
All photos and listing info via Realtor.com.
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