Assclown Alert: Cranking the asinine up to 11 with Texas Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick

Assclown Alert is a column of opinion, analysis and snark.

The past few weeks have been a banner in batshit for Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick, whose role as a Trump surrogate and Lib-tweaking troll has long eclipsed any aspirations the former radio shock jock had at being a serious leader for the Texas Senate.

Since the beginning of the month, the politician formerly known as Dannie Goeb has:

• Claimed he’ll end tenure for new faculty at Texas’ public colleges and universities to stop professors from “indoctrinating” students with so-called “critical race theory.”
• Reportedly told Harris County Judge Lina Hidalgo, that county’s highest-ranking official, to “sit down and shut up” at the memorial service for a slain police officer because he didn’t like her taking a position near the front at the ceremony.
• Been outed in media reports about his campaign sending out a mass mailing urging voters to apply for mail-in ballots via return envelopes addressed to the Texas secretary of state’s office — a move that delayed thousands of those requests, some likely beyond the March 1 primary deadline.

Of course, Patrick is no stranger to blasting out wet and noxious mouth farts. Remember his false and racist claim that Black people were responsible for last summer’s COVID surge or his urging of grandparents to be ready to lay down their lives during the worst stages of the pandemic so the economy could reopen more quickly?

Texas Republican always have a knack for upping the volume of their rhetoric ahead of the primaries, but Patrick’s assclown amp — much like that of Spinal Tap’s Nigel Tufnel — appears to be permanently cranked up to 11.

Somebody pass the earplugs. Please.

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This article appears in Feb 23 – Mar 8, 2022.