Conservative activist Patrick Von Dohlen sure is concerned about the wellbeing of fast-food giant Chick-fil-A. Credit: Facebook / Vote Patrick

Assclown Alert is a column of opinion, analysis and snark.

Last Friday, the Texas State Supreme Court found that conservative activists failed to deliver the required evidence in their lawsuit claiming the City of San Antonio violated the state’s controversial “Save Chick-fil-A” law.

The all-Republican panel sent the suit back to a trial court, maintaining that Bible-thumping activist Patrick Von Dohlen and the San Antonio Family Association failed to show harmful action taken by the city after the law’s passage.

The suit alleges the city officials broke the state law by failing to approve Chick-fil-A with an airport food concession. However, city council’s vote not to cut the Atlanta-based chain in on the contract happened six months prior to the measure’s passage and can’t be applied retroactively, the state’s high court ruled.

Sounds like defeat for the San Antonio Family Association, right? After all, the justices agreed with the city’s argument, and in media statements, City Attorney Andy Segovia predicted a speedy resolution by the lower court.

But that didn’t stop the San Antonio Family Association from giving the ruling the rosiest of spins, announcing on its website that “religious liberty WINS.”

“Now we will re-plead with facts and merits of the case showing adverse action after the effective date of the enactment, and we will win in the name of business owner conscience rights and religious liberty for all,” the group said its word salad of statement.

Interesting take, to say the least.

Von Dohlen, who sits on the association’s board, is no stranger to statements that embrace of what former Trump White House shill Kellyanne Conway called “alternative facts.”

Last year, during his third failed attempt to represent District 9 on city council, the activist falsely labeled incumbent John Courage a “Marxist.” He also incorrectly accused Courage of wanting to defund the police and supporting “federally funded abortion on demand.” 

It’s unclear whether Von Dohlen had a hand in penning the Family Association’s statement, but it certainly bears his assclownish grasp of political reality. — Sanford Nowlin

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This article appears in Apr 6-19, 2022.

Sanford Nowlin is editor-in-chief of the San Antonio Current. He holds degrees from Trinity University and the University of Texas at San Antonio, and his work has been featured in Salon, Alternet, Creative...