Fun Fun Fun? No, no, no Big Boys—more like Line Line Line Fest. At its worst, the que to get into the festival wrapped from Auditorium Shores across the Colorado and on to the other side. But eventually, we made it in for some headlining Fun.
Judas Priest
Best background display: Interactive LCD image of a Beowulfian dragon
Best metal costume: Rob Halford’s S&M Darth Vader bottoms from some unproduced theatrical adaptation of Star Wars
Best haircut: Drummer Scott Travis’ Snape doo
Most exceptional use of a V-neck: Tie between Rob Halford’s deep leather V and guitarist Richie Faulkner’s axe
Distance you can see a dong through leather pants: Pretty far, about field goal range
2 Chainz
Best hype track line: True!
Best song intro: “I Luv Dem Strippers.” “Yea I love strippers. If there’s one thing about Atlanta, it’s that we have the best strip clubs in the world.”
Worst song: “I Luv Dem Strippers”
Best line: “Crocodile the gator type / allergic to the hater type” from “Spend It”
Best album name (perhaps of all time): B.O.A.T.S. II: Me Time
Number of times 2 Chainz said his name: I lost count after 22
Number of Feds Watching: indeterminate
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This article appears in Luminaria 2014.