Senate Bill 8 forces transgender and gender non-conforming people to use the bathroom that matches the sex they were assigned at birth.

Assclown Alert: Parading out the potty police with the Texas Legislature

Texas’ Bathroom Bill is a thinly veiled attempt to score culture-war points at the expense of some of the state’s most vulnerable residents.

by Sanford Nowlin December 17, 2025December 17, 2025

Texas’ Bathroom Bill is a thinly veiled attempt to score culture-war points at the expense of some of the state’s most vulnerable residents.

Texas Gov. Greg Abbott speaks during the CPAC Texas 2022 conference in Dallas.

Assclown Alert

Assclown Alert: Attacking the Muslim community for cheap political points with Texas Gov. Greg Abbott

Let’s be clear: there is no ‘Sharia takeover’ happening in Texas. Abbott is just desperate for a distraction.

by Sanford Nowlin November 21, 2025November 21, 2025

After being elected to the Texas House in 2022, Nate Schatzline filed a flurry of culture war-focused bills, most of which never got a hearing.

Assclown Alert

Fighting ‘religious discrimination’ while spreading anti-Muslim hate with former Texas Rep. Nate Schatzline

Schatzline, who recently joined the National Faith Advisory Board, claimed Islam was a ‘death cult’ and ‘Allah commands Muslims to lie.’

by Sanford Nowlin November 11, 2025November 11, 2025

Would you trust the man who bought this shirt to tell you about the Alamo's history?

Assclown Alert

Assclown Alert: Pissing on the Alamo’s history with Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick

Patrick’s asinine assertions would be a laugh riot — a lost outtake reel from Idiocracy — if the state wasn’t drowning in his verbal diarrhea.

by Sanford Nowlin October 29, 2025October 29, 2025

Right-wing pastor Joel Webbon wants to see a live execution broadcast on TV.

News

Calling for televised public executions (in Christ’s mercy) with Texas pastor Joel Webbon

Webbon wants Tyler Robinson, the man accused of shooting Charlie Kirk, to be executed on live TV.

by Sanford Nowlin October 1, 2025October 1, 2025

David Barton speaks during a conservative conference.

Assclown Alert

Spouting off about the Smithsonian’s ‘obsession with slavery’ with Texas pseudo-historian David Barton

Barton, who has no degree in history, blathered on about how the Smithsonian museums are corrupted by Marxist thinking and a desire to make America look evil.

by Sanford Nowlin September 4, 2025September 4, 2025

Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick, a purported champion of religious liberty, just can't stand it when people don't believe what he does.

News

Assclown Alert: Throwing unconstitutional tantrums in Jesus’ name with Texas Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick

Patrick threatened to throw people out of the Texas Senate chamber for not standing during prayer — something the U.S. Constitution says he can’t do.

by Sanford Nowlin August 22, 2025August 26, 2025

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Assclown Alert: Chip Roy high fives colleagues after passing the budget bill he called ‘garbage’

Few love ‘garbage’ more than Oscar the Grouch — except Roy, a congressman who represents San Antonio and Austin.

by Stephanie Koithan July 4, 2025July 9, 2025

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Assclown Alert: Crusading against the demon weed with Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick

The lieutenant governor claimed without proof that Texas smoke shops are being operated by foreign terrorist organizations.

by Michael Karlis June 23, 2025July 23, 2025

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Assclown Alert: Pining for the bad old days of DOGE with Texas Congressman Chip Roy

Despite DOGE’s record for creating chaos and failing to find waste and fraud, Roy filed a bill to make it permanent.

by Sanford Nowlin June 10, 2025July 5, 2025

News

Assclown Alert: Banning THC for the sake of political theater with Texas Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick

If you’re angry about the state’s pending ban on THC-containing hemp, look no further than Patrick.

by Sanford Nowlin May 28, 2025June 23, 2025

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Assclown Alert: Spreading anti-Muslim bigotry with Texas congressional candidate Valentina Gomez

Gomez is the same bigot who posted a clip of herself pretending to execute a migrant and staged an on-camera LGBTQIA+ book burning.

by Sanford Nowlin May 13, 2025May 28, 2025

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Assclown Alert: Peddling Bibles amended with Christian nationalist propaganda with David Barton

The Texas-based pseudo-historian wants to sell your mom his own special version of the Good Book.

by Sanford Nowlin April 28, 2025May 28, 2025

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Assclown Alert: Suppressing the vote with U.S. Rep. Chip Roy

The Austin-San Antonio congressman’s SAVE Act would disenfranchise millions of U.S. voters, data shows.

by Sanford Nowlin April 21, 2025July 3, 2025

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Hurling insults like a middle school bully with Texas Congressman Troy Nehls

Nehls posted a two-minute video melting down over Tim Walz and Beto O’Rourke visiting his district and called both men ‘radical left lunatics.’

by Sanford Nowlin April 1, 2025April 16, 2025

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Assclown Alert: Forcing Christianity down Texas school kids’ throats with State Sen. Phil King

King’s Senate Bill 10 would require the Ten Commandments to be posted in every public school classroom.

by Sanford Nowlin March 18, 2025May 25, 2025

News

Assclown Alert: Cowering before the anti-vaccine crowd with Texas Gov. Greg Abbott

The governor’s said next to nothing about the state’s worsening measles outbreak and still hasn’t urged anyone to get vaccinated.

by Sanford Nowlin March 4, 2025March 30, 2025

News

Assclown Alert: Smirking along with Ken Paxton as Trump shits all over Texas

The Texas Attorney General had two big chances last week to protect the state. He blew both of them.

by Sanford Nowlin February 18, 2025May 14, 2025

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Assclown Alert: Puckering up to the ass of the Great Orange Leader with U.S. Sen. John Cornyn

Cornyn has dragged himself to new lows of bootlicking subservience to Trump.

by Sanford Nowlin February 4, 2025June 20, 2025

News

Assclown Alert: Making false claims based on a ‘gut feeling’ with incoming ‘border czar’ Tom Homan

Homan claimed without proof on Fox News that the New Orleans and Las Vegas attacks were directly connected.

by Sanford Nowlin January 7, 2025March 25, 2025

HOLIDAY GIFT IDEA: TICKETS TO UNITED WE BRUNCH ON 2/28/26!

Assclown Alert

Assclown Alert: Parading out the potty police with the Texas Legislature

Assclown Alert: Attacking the Muslim community for cheap political points with Texas Gov. Greg Abbott

Fighting ‘religious discrimination’ while spreading anti-Muslim hate with former Texas Rep. Nate Schatzline

Assclown Alert: Pissing on the Alamo’s history with Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick

Calling for televised public executions (in Christ’s mercy) with Texas pastor Joel Webbon

Spouting off about the Smithsonian’s ‘obsession with slavery’ with Texas pseudo-historian David Barton

Assclown Alert: Throwing unconstitutional tantrums in Jesus’ name with Texas Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick

Assclown Alert: Chip Roy high fives colleagues after passing the budget bill he called ‘garbage’

Assclown Alert: Crusading against the demon weed with Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick

Assclown Alert: Pining for the bad old days of DOGE with Texas Congressman Chip Roy

Assclown Alert: Banning THC for the sake of political theater with Texas Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick

Assclown Alert: Spreading anti-Muslim bigotry with Texas congressional candidate Valentina Gomez

Assclown Alert: Peddling Bibles amended with Christian nationalist propaganda with David Barton

Assclown Alert: Suppressing the vote with U.S. Rep. Chip Roy

Hurling insults like a middle school bully with Texas Congressman Troy Nehls

Assclown Alert: Forcing Christianity down Texas school kids’ throats with State Sen. Phil King

Assclown Alert: Cowering before the anti-vaccine crowd with Texas Gov. Greg Abbott

Assclown Alert: Smirking along with Ken Paxton as Trump shits all over Texas

Assclown Alert: Puckering up to the ass of the Great Orange Leader with U.S. Sen. John Cornyn

Assclown Alert: Making false claims based on a ‘gut feeling’ with incoming ‘border czar’ Tom Homan

Everyone we saw at Dulce 2025, San Antonio’s most festive food event

An extensively restored 1940 house in Olmos Park just hit the market

Self-help guru Esther Hicks selling her $3.9 million magical mansion in San Antonio

The best places to get holiday tamales in San Antonio this Christmas season