August 04, 2022

22 rejected San Antonio tourism slogans

There's a reason tourists keep flocking to San Antonio: it's a fun, charming and culturally significant place that's not too pricy to visit.

That said, our city — like any other — has its share of pitfalls and idiosyncrasies. Stuff like our blazing summer heat, our potholes and our sky-high pollen counts come to mind. Naturally, those sorts of things get skipped over in ads urging tourists and conventioneers to come to the River Walk and get sloshed on margaritas.

With that in mind, we dreamed up 22 fictional tourism slogans that would tell a little too much truth about the Alamo City to ever be splashed across a travel poster. The folks in charge of promoting our city as a destination would never let these fly.
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The only winter weather you’ll see is in the snow globes at the Alamo gift shop.
Photo via Instagram / ryanmohr1
The only winter weather you’ll see is in the snow globes at the Alamo gift shop.
Photo via Instagram / ryanmohr1
We don’t just have blazing heat, we’ve also got smothering humidity. 
Photo via Twitter / angrmartinez
We don’t just have blazing heat, we’ve also got smothering humidity.
Photo via Twitter / angrmartinez
We promise to be friendly even though we hate your city’s NBA team with a passion.
Photo by Jaime Monzon
We promise to be friendly even though we hate your city’s NBA team with a passion.
Photo by Jaime Monzon
Home of the Marbach Mop haircut. 
Photo via Twitter / empanalgonas
Home of the Marbach Mop haircut.
Photo via Twitter / empanalgonas
Enjoy your stay but please don’t move here. It’s too fucking expensive already.
Photo via Unsplash / Mackenzie Marco
Enjoy your stay but please don’t move here. It’s too fucking expensive already.
Photo via Unsplash / Mackenzie Marco
We’ll leave a light on for you — assuming Texas still has a working power grid.
Photo via Twitterr / AWereChicken
We’ll leave a light on for you — assuming Texas still has a working power grid.
Photo via Twitterr / AWereChicken
Come for the giant margaritas, stay for the brain freeze and diabetic coma. 
Photo via Instagram / costapacificasa
Come for the giant margaritas, stay for the brain freeze and diabetic coma.
Photo via Instagram / costapacificasa
We’re not sure what’s up with Fred’s Fish Fry either, so don’t ask.
Photo via Twitter / Rizo_93_
We’re not sure what’s up with Fred’s Fish Fry either, so don’t ask.
Photo via Twitter / Rizo_93_
Nothing says “romance” like dining next to a muddy river with barges full of gawking tourists.
Photo via Instagram / several_stylez
Nothing says “romance” like dining next to a muddy river with barges full of gawking tourists.
Photo via Instagram / several_stylez
We’d like to come and greet you personally, but it’s too goddamn hot to leave the house.
Photo via Twitter / PsychicMuppet
We’d like to come and greet you personally, but it’s too goddamn hot to leave the house.
Photo via Twitter / PsychicMuppet