Assclown Alert is a column of opinion, analysis and snark.
Austin-based Alex Jones, who was last year ordered to pay $1.5 billion in damages to the families of Sandy Hook victims for talking out of his ass about "what really happened" in Newtown, is now promoting a conspiracy theory about the solar eclipse visible over San Antonio next week.
The batshit theory goes something like this: the total solar eclipse has something to do with the ancient Assyrians and is a sign of the pending New World Order. Further, we common folk will be forced to repent for our sins — and the sins of our enemies. And, oh yeah, Homeland Security has something to do with it one way or another.
It's all laid out in an eight-minute video posted on Jones' InfoWars online accounts earlier this month. Naturally, the clip ends with Jones promoting his $9.95 fluoride-free toothpaste.
Hey, he's got to pay off that settlement somehow.
To most level-headed folks, Jones is a conspiracy-bellowing blowhard — something apparent since his 1999 launch of InfoWars. Fast forward to today, though, and he's only one voice in a deafening chorus of shrill attention seekers who seem to think the truth is what you make of it. Need proof? Spend five minutes on X, formerly known as Twitter.
The Baltimore Bridge Collapse? Controlled demolition. Drownings at Lady Bird Lake in Austin? Serial killer. And don't even get them started on what really happened to Kate Middleton.
Not only has social media, especially billionaire Elon Musk's X, given others a platform to emulate Jones, it's allowed them to profit from the insanity. For self-described "citizen journalists" or "real news" accounts, the crazier the tweet, the more followers and, the hope goes, the more subscribers.
Assclown Jones walked so these morons could run. And society's collective mind is being fried as a result.
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