The Queque

Oh woe, woe is the Queque, whose wee muckraking heart lies in shards and splinters on the newsroom floor; Express-News crime reporter Vianna Davila has shielded herself from the world and set her MySpace profile to private.  :(

A couple weeks ago, in a poke at E-N columnist Ken Rodriguez, the Queque quoted Davila’s remarks on her MySpace profile regarding her love of wine, dancing, and new wave. Though not mentioned by name, Davila apparently interpreted that as a betrayal. :(

Now Davila is the singles-scene columnist for the E-N’s faux-alt, 210SA. In the first edition of “The Single File,” Davila declares she won’t be writing about sex, less she shame her parents. Christ in a strap-on! Why bother with a singles’ column if you’re not going to weigh in on the merits of sheepskin versus latex, pleasure versus protection; if you’re not going to ridicule a carrot-topped suitor’s pubic hair or write romantic odes to the Rabbit? How is avoiding the erogenous zones the “cure to the ordinary?” (Later in the rag, Ron Jeremy is described as an “adult-film star” instead of porn-maestro and autofellatioist.)

In short, Vianna, the Queque doesn’t need your friendship. There’s someone else who wants the Queque, and wants us bad: The Bexar County District Attorney’s Office.

Last week, a friendly DA investigator (and admitted Current reader) dropped off a subpoena for the Queque to testify at the Theodore Streater trial `“An ice cube’s chance ...”  February 21-27`, which started Monday. According to assistant DA Susan Skinner — no relation to Seymour or B.F. — the Queque will be called to the stand only during sentencing. Damn is she confident in her case. (If you missed the piece, Streater has been languishing in jail for two years for a rape he `and the DNA report` says he didn’t commit. Streater has now decided against representing himself, and re-hired his attorney Stephanie Boyd.)

So, representatives Aaron Peña and Corbin Van Arsdale, will one of you please hurry up and pass your
journalists’ shield law? The Queque would rather be home watching Michael Chiklis on DVD. Vianna, you’re invited.  ;)

And now, for round two of the Bexar County Numero Uno Young Hispanic Lawmaker Contest between Representative Mike “Captain Recess” Villarreal and Representative Joaquin “Mary Kate” Castro.

In the Queque’s debut column (February 14-20), we compared how much each accepted in campaign money from Trans-Texas-Corridor conspirators the Zachry Family. Villarreal swallowed the proverbial load, and so Zachry-free Castro stole the lead. Last week, Villarreal staged a comeback with a bill to give Representative Frank “What would Jesus legislate” Corte Jr. a taste of his own medicine.

Before the session had even begun, Corte introduced a bill requiring pharmacists who handle the morning-after pill (“Obviously Oblivious,” January 3-9) to post medically misleading, pro-life propaganda on their shop walls. Now Villarreal’s HB 2223 would require so-called “crisis pregnancy centers” that provide “alternatives to abortion” to distribute only factual information, and pin up a long list of caveats. These include admission that they’re not a licensed medical facility, they don’t refer women to abortion clinics, and they don’t teach how to prevent pregnancy. Plus, in classic pro-life style, it requires the staff deliver this verbally and on paper. How you like dem hurdles, Corte?

Meanwhile, Castro wants a piece of the net-predator crackdown. Problem is, his proposal, HB 1480, is a double-doof. First of all, it requires sex offenders to register their online handles, regardless of whether it’s on MySpace, AOL Instant Messenger, or the Internet Movie Database. C’mon. Even the most illiterate computer goob can set up a new, anonymous account in two minutes. At the very least the bill ought to incorporate something related to home IP addresses, with a provision banning sex offenders from using proxy or anonymous browsing services.

That’s not the worst part. The second provision wastes time, energy, and paper, requiring a sex offender to list every website he plans to visit more than once a day. (And we use the masculine pronoun hesitantly, since Attorney General Greg Abbott’s office arrested its first female child-pornographer in early February). Why the hell would anyone care that Joe Pederast uses and and Castro may not be impressed with the way the legislative council drafted the sucker, but stresses there’s still time to tweak it. Too late, buddy; the score’s tied. Villarreal 1, Castro 1.

The presidential candidate Ann Coulter called a “faggot” at last week’s “Low Road to the White House” event (the 34th annual meeting of the Conservative Political Action Conference, televised on C-SPAN)

— aka John Edwards — will be at Sunset Station on 1774 E. Commerce St. at 5 p.m. tonight. The former North Carolina senator will showcase numbers from his “Tomorrow Begins Today” Democratic jukebox, whose themes will probably be anti-troop surge, pro-universal health care, and pro-rocker John Cougar Mellencamp, his fave artist. Then he’ll head over to a fundraiser at the house of SA’s new Democratic fundraising darling, Mikal Watts. The Queque still hasn’t picked its Oh-Eight Manchurian, and is a little surprised that Watts — a trial-lawyer celebrity after the Ford SUV rollover cases of 2005; Texas’s eighth-largest individual donor from January 2005 through June 2006; and the mega-donor that helped state Representative Juan Garcia, D-Corpus Christi, beat Tall Tommy-imitator Gene Seaman last November — is already jockeying Edwards.

The Queque’s low-doppler sources say that another popular target of GOP gay-baiting — Hillary Clinton, America’s Evita — might have a Say-Town fundraiser here later this month on her way to Dallas and to hit up the always generous developer Alonzo Cantu in McAllen.

The Queque will admit it’s tickled that strong Dem candidates are apt to pick up substantial checks in Texas to feed our first billion-dollar presidential campaign. BTW: A billion dollars sounds like a lot, says Freakonomics

(the best ecomonics book ever), “Unless you care to measure it against something seemingly less important than democratic elections.

“It is the same amount, for instance, that Americans spend every year on chewing gum.” 

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