What can such a tiny bit of column do for you, the time-poor reader, already overstuffed with the week’s media offerings? We certainly don’t have the space to get you drunk on high-alcohol-content adjectives (we’ll leave that to Value Vino, making its monthly appearance on page 20, and the Bar Tab). Not enough table real estate to plate an entire critical entrée, either, a job that’s still in the capable hands of our regular restaurant reviewers.

But we can tempt you with bits of local food news — openings & closings, market specials, wine tastings, new products, the like. If you’re on the serving end of these morsels, send them to [email protected], preferably two weeks ahead of their expiration date.

Say that your cocktail parties often end in inappropriate advances, cracked crystal, and misfiled cigarette butts. Perhaps it’s because you’ve shied away from those highball sponges known as hors d’oeuvre. Central Market to the rescue this Friday with an evening of firewater-friendly snacks presented by the co-authors of Drinkology: EATS. Spend a couple of hours getting the hang of James Waller and Ramona Ponce’s recipes — Classic Lillet Cocktail — and your home happy hours may become famous for more than faintly remembered faux pas. $65. Call 368-8617 to register.

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